Cookies of Misfortune

Did you leave a big enough tip for the driver or waitstaff? If not, we hope this cookie tastes like the dirty little turd that you are.

The opposite sex finds you repulsive. The universe has no idea how you’ve ever found any hint of love in the past.

You’re a liar and cheater. Karma’s coming for you, bitch.

Fuck you. Yes, you read this correctly. FUCK YOU.

There’s absolutely nothing positive or profound to say about your life. Consider this a “misfortune,” if you will.

Did you even fucking pay for this meal? Or is this part of your constant mooching, you cheap fuck?